Lash Attack

Just to allay any thoughts I may be prejudiced against all recruiters and HR people in general, I have invited some of the awesome ones I referred to in an earlier post to guest blog for me from time to time. Today the brilliant Cher Campbell, funniest and friendliest practitioner of the dark art of recruitment that I know, co-owner of the coven "iPlace Recruitment" in North west Sydney shares a tip for candidates with an amusing anecdote from her time as a flesh-peddler. Cher is one of those rare exceptions who follows up with you, even if she has nothing on her books, just to tell you that you are still on her radar. She gives you honest feedback about interviews and is a real person. She gets the gold star and sets the benchmark for what recruiters should be.

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So I’m waiting at my desk for my colleague to let me know that my interview is ready. The candidate was already 20 minutes late, no call and no apology. 

I walk into the room and shake her hand and always try to make people feel instantly at ease – it brings out the red flags way quicker.

My candidate – let’s call her “Josie”  - was sitting across from me and if I’m honest I detect a wee bit of attitude. You’re right Josie, my bad for sitting here waiting for you to turn up for your interview 20 mins late – how dare I?

 Attitude aside, she was well presented with a beautiful black mane of hair and honestly looked like an Indonesian version of Pocahontas. Beautiful skin, lovely smile and...oh my god what is wrong with her!?!?! 

I’m looking at her face and I just can’t figure out what is going on here. I scan quickly, like the Predator and quickly try and analyse what I’m up against. And then, like something out of a 3D movie it hits me. She’s lost one of her false eyelashes and, as she flicks her hair for the 87^th time in 3 minutes, I realise it’s hanging from one of her extensions. It’s like her left eye is about to fly out of her head yet her right eye is almost recessed back. And I’m fixated. I actually can’t believe she can’t feel that one of her tarantulas has fallen off. They are so long and for about 15 seconds I’m questioning how someone can even see through lashes that long.

She continues talking about her current boss and how much she hates her. Cue 2^nd red flag. Interview  101 – don’t bag out your current or former employees.

After 10 minutes of hearing why she can’t get on with any of her females colleagues I realise I’m too far gone and every time she makes a move, this lash lunges towards me and is hanging by a strand. In that moment I’m visualising this lash hanging like something out of cliffhanger.  3 red flags later and I’m done.

I decide then and there that I will introduce her to my colleague to get a second opinion and as we walk back into the room, she immediately spots the lash and snorts. How am I suddenly the most professional person in the room?

It was later that evening that I chuckled to myself at the thought of her arriving home and looking in the mirror....

Morale of the story – always check your appearance in a mirror before an interview.

Cher's business can be found at http://iplacerecruitment.com.au

A New Direction

In ten years I have not had the opportunity of being the main care giver to my kids. I may do a pick-up or drop off to school, and their pre-school years were managed by long day care centres.

I convinced myself and the family this was the best way to get ahead, and to be able to afford the things and lifestyle we wanted. 

And you know, in a way it was true. We now have a wonderful house on acres, out of town some way. A long way. In fact more than two hours commute each way.

I have been the main breadwinner, and I liked that role. My partner works hard in a local full time role and is successful in what he does, and is a wonderful man who happily takes on childcare responsibilities. 

And for eight of the last ten years I have commuted, either by car or public transport into the city (up to five hours a day travel), and for the most part have been challenged with rewarding jobs that somehow detract from the fact I am missing out on the "heart" stuff that comes with families.

And then I got my last role. It was what most people would consider a dream role. 

I was paid a ridiculous amount of money to go to work. And do absolutely nothing. 

I was employed to ensure my manager had the appropriate number of direct reports to maintain her management level, during a time the company was undergoing massive corporate change. People were leaving (voluntarily and involuntarily) hand over fist and every project in my team was cut. So I drove five hours a day and did NOTHING. 

I couldn't even pretend I had work. My manager knew and she also did nothing much. As I walked around the office there were people openly enjoying the challenges of Candy Crush, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Indeed everyone did absolutely nothing, for ridiculously high salaries.

After two weeks, I got an assistant. Well technically she reported to my manager to ensure the headcount for her senior management level. 

And the assistant's role was to help me. To help me do NOTHING. 

We sat there messaging each other about how much of nothing we had to do.

It was then I had an epiphany. What was the point of earning big bucks to ensure the ultimate family lifestyle for a family I never got to see and spend time with? I am too ADHD to do nothing, and not morally bankrupt enough to take money for nix and all the while I was missing out on family life. I could not have told you what day piano, netball, karate or soccer practise were. I certainly did not know other parents at school, as I didn't do any pickups or drop-offs.

People talk about working Mums "having it all". Bollocks. Neither full-time Mums nor working mums have it all. I decided after 10 years, I wanted some family life, and that means sacrificing the salary. Honestly, you can't really have both those things. Elements yes, but I couldn't name a single working Mum who "has it all."

So I have started life as a freelancer and I love it. Now I have care responsibilities, I get frustrated at all the things that full-time Mums do - the dirty towels on the floor, not eating dinner, fights and too much time on the iPod, but each day I feel blessed to know a bit more about my kids's lives...precious details I have missed over the years.

A wee holiday...

So time has passed, like sand through the hourglass...and in the intervening years,  I was working at a brilliant innovative and interesting place, advising a highly respected and well-known businessman with his messaging and branding...

I loved every minute of it and especially working with such an inspiring and honest person.

Sadly, that fab place was bought by a less fab place and the culture changed. That inspiring businessman sold the bulk of his shares and despite staying at the helm was no longer the major shareholder, and thus was no longer a loud voice in the future of the fab place.

Despite the internal communications about remaining  our own identity, the fab place rapidly became the sad place, reflective of the purchaser's corporate culture.  More and more people from the "mothership" came to work with us, bringing with them their culture of bureaucracy and red tape, and their "can't do" attitudes. The once entrepreneurial feeling became one of fear and silos, and being afraid to stand out from the crowd.

There was scepticism among the ranks, but naturally the HR person could not, or would not,  see the symptoms as it counts against her personal KPIs...better to pretend the world was hunky dory and try to resolve the issues with random "HR stunts", like a Caramello Koala plonked on your desk.

Heaven knows a 50 cent chocolate always comforts me when job security is low.

As I pride myself on honesty and my role requires an understanding of the general attitude and mood of the workplace, I really did not see an issue in raising there may be morale issues. I did this privately and professionally and in the context of my role.

In truth, many HR people are more concerned about hitting their own KPIs than addressing any genuine issues that arise...a chocolate on the desk, given with a reptilian smile that radiates all the warmth of a cold toilet seat on a winter's morning, is far more cost effective than addressing any real issues.

I say this, but can name about a number of exceptional HR people. Just so you don't think I hate all HR people. The good ones are awesome. The bad ones suck the life out of a company.

So in time, my role was turned into a more junior role and less expensive role...but I do think perhaps my not drinking the Kool-aid had something to do with it.

The Tyranny of the Recruitment Gatekeeper

I am lucky enough to have a guest post from another job seeker, also wishing to remain anonymous about the joy she has had recently with another recruitment consultant...take it away other anonymous woman....

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There are few things more dispiriting than a 61-year-old recruitment agent peering over the top of your CV in his half-moon glasses and saying ‘you’ve moved around a lot, haven’t you?’

Honestly, it’s the equivalent of ‘had a few sexual partners too many have we?’…

This recruitment agent, whom we shall call Larry, then insisted I tell him about every job I’d ever had since I left university. Which is two decades ago now.

There was no mention of awards won, achievements, my significant professional reputation nor successful campaigns.

It was all down to the months I was employed as a junior when I first left university.

Which meant I was in serious trouble.

All I remember from 1991 is that my hair was still permed to within an inch of its life in a tragic attempt to imitate Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

So I stumbled around, trying to remember dates and employers as Larry painstakingly wrote them all down.   

I’ve had two distinct phases in my career. I worked for about a decade in the media and then another decade in PR.

Some jobs went for a long time. I had 4 years with one employer and 4.5 with another. Others were consultant or contract roles for a limited period of time. Some jobs stretched for two years.

To be honest, I’ve never had to justify my working life to anyone before because my reputation is really strong. I’ve rarely had to hand over a CV.

I was only seeing Larry because he approached me. I’d checked out the employer he was talking about and the role seemed dull, but I was prepared to talk to him.

What I didn’t expect was to have to justify my existence to a man who clearly knew nothing about my background. I even had to explain a 3- month working holiday in the UK in 1994.

In the end, he said ‘I’m going to have a difficult time describing you to my client’. Then I finally snapped.

I said: ‘Look, I’m not going to beg you for this job. I already checked it out and I was ready for you to try to convince me, not the other way around.’

Larry backtracked quickly, but it was very apparent he was never going to place me with a client.

Here are some of my theories on why.

• I’m a multi-dimensional peg who is difficult to fit into a round hole. I can do nearly any job that I’m thrown into but I haven’t concentrated on one field. Recruitment agents are employed to find a round peg that will fit seamlessly into a round hole.

• I am a vocational strumpet. I have moved around. I’ve been coveted by others and successfully seduced. I’ve flicked employers when life became miserable and found employers who appreciated me.
• I’ve reproduced, which makes me a liability. Like many of my friends, I walk into an interview, apologise for having children, sheepishly ask about flexibility and instantly downgrade my pay expectations.
• I’m divorced. I know this is strange, but I swear if I’d been wearing a wedding ring and glowingly talking about my supportive husband, it would have made a difference. I’m going to wear my Nanna’s ring next time and glow. It’s important to look stable and constant.
• Larry just didn’t ‘get me’ nor what I actually do. He even said I talked too much (true, I fear). 

I came out of Larry’s office badly shaken. Could I really be this worthless? Am I just hopeless at my job and no one has had the courage to tell me?

Then I turned on my phone. There were messages from three major broadsheet newspapers, a certain flagship programme on a certain national broadcaster, and two significant radio stations – all about a story I had been promoting that morning.  I know I’m good at my job.

It’s been tricky to write this, because I am certainly very critical of myself and I keep imagining what people might say about this post. So be gentle!

The Larry experience has been sobering, but I’ve decided to look at it as a positive.  I clearly have things to learn. I now realise that I may be good at what I do, but perhaps my CV needs to tell a more seamless story so that someone who has never heard of me still understands my background.

 The upshot is that Larry may be a gatekeeper, but there are ways around the gate, and I’m determined to find them.

***For some more interesting reading, check out this article sent in by Shimmmergirl***

 http://theconversation.edu.au/a-lose-lose-proposition-whats-really-happening-when-women-negotiate-6215

What to wear and what to say

I have been lucky enough to have a few phone interviews today. Woo Hoo...It really does make you feel like you are not just wasting your life away by applying to non-responsive recruitment types...

The interviews were with companies who had received my CV when I responded to their ad directly (not through head hunters) but the companies were anonymous at the time of application, so trying to tailor my CV involved all sorts of international espionage, second guessing and translating euphemisms (much like reading a real estate ad and having to know that 'renovator's delight', really means 'about to be condemned'.)

Do you find that? You may see an ad that says "must understand complex organisations" - how vague is that? Then they ring you and ask if you have worked in the automotive industry, because theyonly want automotive experience. Hint: If that's what you wanted, it should have been in your ad.

Worse still, if you don't think on your feet and re-tailor your CV verbally to the specific industry/company they want, when they call,  you don't get to the next stage. It would be so much better if it wasn't such a guessing game. Sunny days if you crack the code!
 For example ads should be more bloody specific like 'Must have have security clearances for Department of Defence. Deep understanding of politics and knowledge about International dispute and conflict resolution" (or something) 

Instead they say"Must have been to Canberra, and like to wear dark earthy colours in warm tones for this mystery job. Experience debating would be handy." 

Thankfully when it came to the interview I DID get,  I tried the casserole technique in my last post "the truth about men and women." I was also (coincidentally) lucky enough to know a bit about the company, and have some experience as a customer to hark back to, so hurrah, I have made it to face-to-face stage. I talked about what I like about the company from a customer base and tied in my professional skills, even though I have never worked in that industry.

I haven't heard back from the other company whether I made the face-to-face stage. They didn't invite me straight away so possibly not.  It turns out the enigma code that was their ad was a for a pharmaceutical company that specialises in women's hygiene. Like the other role, I have also been a customer of this company, but it is hard thing to talk about by phone. Hell! It's a hard thing to discuss with your best friend,so you tell me to demonstrate product knowledge and experience and discuss tampons in a professional way on the spur of the moment with a complete stranger then?

There's a high chance your customer experience story may fall flat in this scenario. I fear mine did! Oops. 

But back to the other role at hand. Now I have to work out what to wear and prepare for the myriad of possible interview questions for the first role. I am confident I have all the criteria listed from the ad (except having experience in the industry involved, but I will go with the casserole analogy again) 

Any suggestions on outfits??

Oh and here's a bit of recommended reading:
Here was me thinking my thoughts were unique, and perhaps I was uncharitable to consultants, but I discovered a very interesting blogpost today that resonated and so I wanted to share with you.
http://evenitup.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/dealing-with-recruitment-agencies/#comment-4115

The truth about men and women

I think we all suffer from crises of confidence, but have you ever noticed the difference between men and women at interview? Many men will go on and on about their successes and experience, even if they are inventing it along the way?

"Why sure I have written a blog on pre-menstrual syndrome. It's a subject I care deeply about. In fact it was me who diagnosed it in the first place. I am a really sensitive guy..."

Most women on the other hand are loathe to carry on like queen of the universe. They generally credit others with helping or being part of the team, even if they led the team.

Are we all just selling ourselves short, or are we just being honest?
I think a vast number of women suffer what is called Impostor Syndrome. I certainly think I do when I am at work.  I will defer to the Wikipedia definition here, to explain:  

"Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be."

I raise impostor syndrome because I also have some amazingly talented female friends who suffer from it. One is a brilliant sharp lawyer, who juggles a career and four kids. Another single-handedly pulls together large national entertainment events. I am in awe of these women, but I don't think they appreciate just how amazing they are. 

Actually I think an awful lot of us suffer from Impostor Syndrome, and what's more we are completely unforgiving to our own sex, and don't recognise it in women in an interview, thinking she must have been incompetent and not a leader...or else thinking "the woman being interviewed is completely up herself" if she does flag her successes in the same way as a man.

It translates to the workplace too, where women are more willing to tear each other down than they would be if their competition was a man. It's not a game I like to play.

So what are we to do? In truth I don't have the answer, but a wonderfully wise and beautiful  woman recently told me about how to sell yourself at interviews and put it into a really simple cooking analogy, and I am keen to see how it works.

 If the interviewer asks you if you have cooked casserole, and you have only cooked porridge. Tell the interviewer that while you haven't made casserole, you are very competent at turning on the stove, peeling vegetables, adding the ingredients and stirring. In other words, show that you understand, and can do, all the components of the task they are asking about, even if you haven't done that exact task.

Men, of course, would tell you they cook cassoulet daily.

If anyone gets a chance to try this tip, please let me know how it goes. Or if you are man who has taken exception to this post or suffers impostor syndrome, I'd love to know.

The Interview process

I have been for a few interviews lately (well three) and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to them. It doesn't matter how much you prepare and how many interview websites you go to for hints on the latest questions, they are never what you expect.

I went for an interview at an iconic national organisation and spent more than a week researching all the issues and current business initiatives about that organisation, only to be confronted with questions about the whereabouts of colleagues I worked with in 1989. Did I know what they were up to? And was I still in touch with them? It threw me, to be sure.

I declined another interview on the basis of the compulsory psychometric testing that would occur...

I already know I am as mad as a cut snake. I don't need an organisation to confirm it in writing. My mother kindly emailed an example of such testing undertaken in the US. She thought I needed to prepare in order that my true insanity not surface. There were such relevant work questions as:

Which of the following colours do you like most? a) red or orange b)black c)yellow or light blue d)green, e) dark purple, f)white g)brown or grey?

When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before sleep, you are a) stretched out on your back b) face down on your stomach c)on your side slightly curled d) with your head under one arm or e) with your head under the covers?

Perhaps I like Black because it's slimming and other colours clash with my hair and not because I am a serial killer manic depressive? Maybe I stretch out on my back as I have backache? Maybe my head is under the covers cringing about dumb interview questions I got asked? I mean c'mon! these questions are just stupid...Recruiters need to rely on good old fashioned gut feeling sometimes. Will this person get on with the others at work or not? And are they experienced enough to do the job?

I went for another interview at a global organisation that is renowned for its tricky interview process. Thankfully the questions are mainly used on US intern applicants and not in Australia. The process is now adopted by a number of IT related businesses. So much so, there is now a plethora of websites to help you answer them (incidentally these questions are not just for the techie roles) -  Some of the random questions you could be asked include:

Design a cellphone for a blind person.

Design a GPS navigation unit for a hiker

Design an ATM for children

You have a bucket of jelly beans. Some are red, some are blue, and some green. With your eyes closed, pick out 2 of a like colour. How many do you have to grab to be sure you have 2 of the same?

How would you move a Mountain?

How would you test a pen?

I want to know why kids (and I picture my seven and five year old) need an ATM in the first place? And why do I want to move a mountain anyway? Why can't I just build around it? And in a non techical role in a non-confectionary company, will this role involve much random jelly bean picking? 

As it turned out, most of the interview was dedicated to espousing the benefits of daily hot-desking (over 7 floors) and entirely paperless offices. As a  person who wastes entire forests on a daily basis just scribbling my to-do list, I broke out into hives just picturing the stress of not having my own space and trying to operate without pen and paper (which begs the question: Why do I need to test a pen in the interview anyway?)

I went to another interview with a bone achingly large bag of show and tell stuff. Everything from successful media campaign clippings to annual reports to staff magazines dating back to the 90s. Apparently I was not enthusiastic enough. I suspect because the role paid peanuts, and they had ridiculous expectations. They wanted someone with 10+ years' experience, but only had the budget for a graduate placement.

I don't want to sound finickity, but I suspect a large part of these dumb arsed questions are so some HR people can justify their salaries, because it wasn't so long ago they weren't that common in companies...and heaven forbid the companies work out they can still manage without them.