Lash Attack

Just to allay any thoughts I may be prejudiced against all recruiters and HR people in general, I have invited some of the awesome ones I referred to in an earlier post to guest blog for me from time to time. Today the brilliant Cher Campbell, funniest and friendliest practitioner of the dark art of recruitment that I know, co-owner of the coven "iPlace Recruitment" in North west Sydney shares a tip for candidates with an amusing anecdote from her time as a flesh-peddler. Cher is one of those rare exceptions who follows up with you, even if she has nothing on her books, just to tell you that you are still on her radar. She gives you honest feedback about interviews and is a real person. She gets the gold star and sets the benchmark for what recruiters should be.

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So I’m waiting at my desk for my colleague to let me know that my interview is ready. The candidate was already 20 minutes late, no call and no apology. 

I walk into the room and shake her hand and always try to make people feel instantly at ease – it brings out the red flags way quicker.

My candidate – let’s call her “Josie”  - was sitting across from me and if I’m honest I detect a wee bit of attitude. You’re right Josie, my bad for sitting here waiting for you to turn up for your interview 20 mins late – how dare I?

 Attitude aside, she was well presented with a beautiful black mane of hair and honestly looked like an Indonesian version of Pocahontas. Beautiful skin, lovely smile and...oh my god what is wrong with her!?!?! 

I’m looking at her face and I just can’t figure out what is going on here. I scan quickly, like the Predator and quickly try and analyse what I’m up against. And then, like something out of a 3D movie it hits me. She’s lost one of her false eyelashes and, as she flicks her hair for the 87^th time in 3 minutes, I realise it’s hanging from one of her extensions. It’s like her left eye is about to fly out of her head yet her right eye is almost recessed back. And I’m fixated. I actually can’t believe she can’t feel that one of her tarantulas has fallen off. They are so long and for about 15 seconds I’m questioning how someone can even see through lashes that long.

She continues talking about her current boss and how much she hates her. Cue 2^nd red flag. Interview  101 – don’t bag out your current or former employees.

After 10 minutes of hearing why she can’t get on with any of her females colleagues I realise I’m too far gone and every time she makes a move, this lash lunges towards me and is hanging by a strand. In that moment I’m visualising this lash hanging like something out of cliffhanger.  3 red flags later and I’m done.

I decide then and there that I will introduce her to my colleague to get a second opinion and as we walk back into the room, she immediately spots the lash and snorts. How am I suddenly the most professional person in the room?

It was later that evening that I chuckled to myself at the thought of her arriving home and looking in the mirror....

Morale of the story – always check your appearance in a mirror before an interview.

Cher's business can be found at http://iplacerecruitment.com.au

A New Direction

In ten years I have not had the opportunity of being the main care giver to my kids. I may do a pick-up or drop off to school, and their pre-school years were managed by long day care centres.

I convinced myself and the family this was the best way to get ahead, and to be able to afford the things and lifestyle we wanted. 

And you know, in a way it was true. We now have a wonderful house on acres, out of town some way. A long way. In fact more than two hours commute each way.

I have been the main breadwinner, and I liked that role. My partner works hard in a local full time role and is successful in what he does, and is a wonderful man who happily takes on childcare responsibilities. 

And for eight of the last ten years I have commuted, either by car or public transport into the city (up to five hours a day travel), and for the most part have been challenged with rewarding jobs that somehow detract from the fact I am missing out on the "heart" stuff that comes with families.

And then I got my last role. It was what most people would consider a dream role. 

I was paid a ridiculous amount of money to go to work. And do absolutely nothing. 

I was employed to ensure my manager had the appropriate number of direct reports to maintain her management level, during a time the company was undergoing massive corporate change. People were leaving (voluntarily and involuntarily) hand over fist and every project in my team was cut. So I drove five hours a day and did NOTHING. 

I couldn't even pretend I had work. My manager knew and she also did nothing much. As I walked around the office there were people openly enjoying the challenges of Candy Crush, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Indeed everyone did absolutely nothing, for ridiculously high salaries.

After two weeks, I got an assistant. Well technically she reported to my manager to ensure the headcount for her senior management level. 

And the assistant's role was to help me. To help me do NOTHING. 

We sat there messaging each other about how much of nothing we had to do.

It was then I had an epiphany. What was the point of earning big bucks to ensure the ultimate family lifestyle for a family I never got to see and spend time with? I am too ADHD to do nothing, and not morally bankrupt enough to take money for nix and all the while I was missing out on family life. I could not have told you what day piano, netball, karate or soccer practise were. I certainly did not know other parents at school, as I didn't do any pickups or drop-offs.

People talk about working Mums "having it all". Bollocks. Neither full-time Mums nor working mums have it all. I decided after 10 years, I wanted some family life, and that means sacrificing the salary. Honestly, you can't really have both those things. Elements yes, but I couldn't name a single working Mum who "has it all."

So I have started life as a freelancer and I love it. Now I have care responsibilities, I get frustrated at all the things that full-time Mums do - the dirty towels on the floor, not eating dinner, fights and too much time on the iPod, but each day I feel blessed to know a bit more about my kids's lives...precious details I have missed over the years.

A wee holiday...

So time has passed, like sand through the hourglass...and in the intervening years,  I was working at a brilliant innovative and interesting place, advising a highly respected and well-known businessman with his messaging and branding...

I loved every minute of it and especially working with such an inspiring and honest person.

Sadly, that fab place was bought by a less fab place and the culture changed. That inspiring businessman sold the bulk of his shares and despite staying at the helm was no longer the major shareholder, and thus was no longer a loud voice in the future of the fab place.

Despite the internal communications about remaining  our own identity, the fab place rapidly became the sad place, reflective of the purchaser's corporate culture.  More and more people from the "mothership" came to work with us, bringing with them their culture of bureaucracy and red tape, and their "can't do" attitudes. The once entrepreneurial feeling became one of fear and silos, and being afraid to stand out from the crowd.

There was scepticism among the ranks, but naturally the HR person could not, or would not,  see the symptoms as it counts against her personal KPIs...better to pretend the world was hunky dory and try to resolve the issues with random "HR stunts", like a Caramello Koala plonked on your desk.

Heaven knows a 50 cent chocolate always comforts me when job security is low.

As I pride myself on honesty and my role requires an understanding of the general attitude and mood of the workplace, I really did not see an issue in raising there may be morale issues. I did this privately and professionally and in the context of my role.

In truth, many HR people are more concerned about hitting their own KPIs than addressing any genuine issues that arise...a chocolate on the desk, given with a reptilian smile that radiates all the warmth of a cold toilet seat on a winter's morning, is far more cost effective than addressing any real issues.

I say this, but can name about a number of exceptional HR people. Just so you don't think I hate all HR people. The good ones are awesome. The bad ones suck the life out of a company.

So in time, my role was turned into a more junior role and less expensive role...but I do think perhaps my not drinking the Kool-aid had something to do with it.