A New Direction

In ten years I have not had the opportunity of being the main care giver to my kids. I may do a pick-up or drop off to school, and their pre-school years were managed by long day care centres.

I convinced myself and the family this was the best way to get ahead, and to be able to afford the things and lifestyle we wanted. 

And you know, in a way it was true. We now have a wonderful house on acres, out of town some way. A long way. In fact more than two hours commute each way.

I have been the main breadwinner, and I liked that role. My partner works hard in a local full time role and is successful in what he does, and is a wonderful man who happily takes on childcare responsibilities. 

And for eight of the last ten years I have commuted, either by car or public transport into the city (up to five hours a day travel), and for the most part have been challenged with rewarding jobs that somehow detract from the fact I am missing out on the "heart" stuff that comes with families.

And then I got my last role. It was what most people would consider a dream role. 

I was paid a ridiculous amount of money to go to work. And do absolutely nothing. 

I was employed to ensure my manager had the appropriate number of direct reports to maintain her management level, during a time the company was undergoing massive corporate change. People were leaving (voluntarily and involuntarily) hand over fist and every project in my team was cut. So I drove five hours a day and did NOTHING. 

I couldn't even pretend I had work. My manager knew and she also did nothing much. As I walked around the office there were people openly enjoying the challenges of Candy Crush, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Indeed everyone did absolutely nothing, for ridiculously high salaries.

After two weeks, I got an assistant. Well technically she reported to my manager to ensure the headcount for her senior management level. 

And the assistant's role was to help me. To help me do NOTHING. 

We sat there messaging each other about how much of nothing we had to do.

It was then I had an epiphany. What was the point of earning big bucks to ensure the ultimate family lifestyle for a family I never got to see and spend time with? I am too ADHD to do nothing, and not morally bankrupt enough to take money for nix and all the while I was missing out on family life. I could not have told you what day piano, netball, karate or soccer practise were. I certainly did not know other parents at school, as I didn't do any pickups or drop-offs.

People talk about working Mums "having it all". Bollocks. Neither full-time Mums nor working mums have it all. I decided after 10 years, I wanted some family life, and that means sacrificing the salary. Honestly, you can't really have both those things. Elements yes, but I couldn't name a single working Mum who "has it all."

So I have started life as a freelancer and I love it. Now I have care responsibilities, I get frustrated at all the things that full-time Mums do - the dirty towels on the floor, not eating dinner, fights and too much time on the iPod, but each day I feel blessed to know a bit more about my kids's lives...precious details I have missed over the years.